just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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