So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
