She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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