just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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