whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I love you. Go after that dick
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Randomize