I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
