Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
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