Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Randomize
