that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
there is puke in my bra ... again
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
