I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
