i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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