Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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