So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
