The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Randomize
