I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Randomize
