you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize
