just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
