Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
