if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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