You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
