do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
