Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
i believe in u and ur pee
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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