I want to walk on stilts...naked
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
