can we get nightvision for the apartment?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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