Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
do herpes really smell.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
