I'm drive I can fine osifer
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
