When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
