I heard we made out
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
