You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
