In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
