Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
