I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
