During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
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