All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize