just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
