So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
