Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
