i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
