im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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