just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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