At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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