the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Also, beer. Big fan.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
