Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
