omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he told me I talked like a deaf person
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
