Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
