I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Randomize
