the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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