Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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