Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Randomize
