my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
