Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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