Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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