i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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