I think i peed on brittanys purse
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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