WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
