No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
