I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
