Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
she was so not down for the gang bang
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Randomize
