I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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