just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
