i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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