yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
love makes seman taste better
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
My boob is missing a layer of skin
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
