hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
