sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize