We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
