mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
