Can Purell be used as lube?
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
