I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
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