no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Randomize
