Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
