I only kidnapped one of them. chill
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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