You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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