i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
