it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
my shit smells like andre
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
