She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
