Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
